Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sense of belonging

4 months into my training into Housemanship, I began to gauge how life had treated me so far. And I'm glad how things are right now with few exceptions. I could be 'stranded' in far 'ulu' places where the nearest grocery store is 3 km away. And I couldn't complain about the 5 shopping complexes within 5 km from where I stay.

Judging from the complaints and rantings of my fellow coursemates all over Malaysia, I couldn't feel that my training in JB is any worse than their experiences. I may not have the luxury of exposure to Mother Nature but I would mind, especially with all that mosquito bite marks on my whole body.

Travelling home is 4 hours and RM 30 away compared to 5 hours and RM 100 if I'm still at East Malaysia. Early rounds can be taxing and calls unbearable, but I know that I'm serving my fellow countrymen. My interest push me forward while my desire to return to KL stopped me from looking back. 16.66% of the road has been completed without any delay. 16.66% of myself had considered myself part of the JB community.

Compared to other places where my colleagues were sent, I find that I'm able to find my place here thanks to a few close contacts. In life, you'll never know how close someone will be in your life until you take the effort to get to know them better. A stranger can be your friend over time. Similarly, a friend can become total stranger as time passes by.

What they say is right, friends come and go. Some left a mark, some left good memories, some left scars, many others were just a whiff of air. Throughout the time in my absence, many friends become acquaintances and disappeared. Few close friends remained in close contact. But my family doesn't make me feel that I have left home at all. That's the beauty of family. Guys, thanks for sticking around through my ups and downs.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Beautiful blood taking

Yesterday, I took blood for a hemato patient. There was bruises all over his forearm. All because his platelet was single digit, not my technique.
Today, he requested for a gentle blood taking. I took the smallest needle (orange 25G), applied tourniquet, swabbed alcohol, and aimed for d most prominent vein in d arm. Through skin, feel a push and backflow, through vein, and start to draw d 5ml syringe slowly with d intensity like operating on a heart coronary artery. 1ml...2ml...3ml, dat's enough. Thank you, uncle. Please press on the cotton now.
Thank you, dat was beautiful, very beautiful. I'm relieved.
Moving on to the next patient of 16 patients. Got branula, take from branula, thank GOD. CCF, ESRF spare left arm - OMG!
Dat's 20% of my life in medical.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Why feel S.A.D?

= Single And Desperate
Ever wonder why do human feel desperate? I do feel desperate countless of times:
1. Desperately trying to make it to work on time when I woke up late.
2. Desperately trying to fulfill a task right before a dateline.
3. Desperately trying to finish reading a library book before I need to return them.
4. Desperately trying to book the next bus ticket home during the Raya seasons.
5. Desperately trying to convince a patient that a Below Knee Amputation would do her more good than harm
6. Desperately trying to convince my Dad that I can take good care of his car 300km away from home. (which is still in good condition)
7. Desperately trying to persuade Mom that I’m big enough to take care of myself and stay outside with my friends.
8. Desperately trying to cut budget to allocate enough budget for my next vacation abroad.
9. Desperately trying to persuade the Radiologist to do an urgent MRI on my patient as planned by my specialist.
10. Desperately trying to find some free time off work to relax my mind and soul.
And the list goes on and on.
We are desperate not because we hope something would happen, but because we DEMAND something would go our way URGENTLY. Most of the time, TIME is the culprit.
We AGE as TIME goes by. We cannot stop time and we cannot stop ourselves from ageing. We had been ageing since birth, so why worry about ageing? Because we’re closer to DEATH where JUDGEMENT lies. Holy crap!
DEATH happens regardless of age. 8 months old fetus got aborted because the mother does not want the burden of a child when there’s no husband to play the role of a father. 8 years old child got starved to death because of non-accidental injury. An 18 years old man got killed in a in a hit-and-run car crash. A 28 years old man allegedly committed suicide while in police custody. A 38 years old man died of acute myocardial infarction while sleeping at home. A 48 years old lady succumbed to cervical cancer and passed away before chemotherapy could be conducted.
JUDGEMENT happens every day. We’re being judged by our Boss regarding the effectiveness of our performances. We’re being judged by God about how staunch we are. We’re being judged by the community about how we behave and how we appear in public. We’re being judged by our parents about how filial we are to them. We’re being judged by our partner how loyal and loving we are to them.
Since DEATH and JUDGEMENT will eventually be encountered, there’s not much we can do to stop them. We AGE with the passing TIME. So it all comes down to TIME. Without TIME, we can be DESPERATE. That is because there’s a DEMAND to do something URGENTLY whether put forward by ourselves or by others. So to tackle DESPERATION, we have to do something about the URGENT DEMAND.
SINGLE is a term not many wants themselves to be attached to. It implies solitude, separation, imperfection. Indirectly, SINGLEDOM is a TABOO in the society where marriage is the ultimate UNION between the two GENDERS created by GOD.
So, SOCIAL TABOO and EXPECTATIONS became the URGENT DEMAND to result in UNION of the 2 GENDERS. In a way, it is a reasonable and healthy EXPECTATION that young productive men and women attempt to embark on a different new life – the shared life – that culminates in the production of FUTURE GENERATIONS. So I do SUPPORT the UNION of the SEXES.
Dear readers, you would have noticed by now that the writing of the first page is just some introductory thoughts that did not really answer to the title. However the previous paragraph does shed some light why single people feel desperate when they are trying to look for the right ones. In other words, TRUE ONES may not appear early in the path of life.
However, the past is valuable to bring out the maturity in us. Maturity means lots of bruises and pain. I never know LOVE until I know what is HATE. Many crushes and failed relationships may litter the path till now but none of them matters as much as the later path. As long as we keep faith and confidence in ourselves, the CHOSEN ONE will manifest him/herself one day. This is the ONE who will bring more meaning to your LIFE. This is the ONE that will walk with you down the ALTAR. This is the ONE that will share his/her LIVES with you in the name of LOVE. Will we be patient enough to wait for the ONE? Who is the ONE? No ONE can tell. USE your heart to feel its presence.
SINGLE? Yes. DESPERATE? No more. TIME moves on. URGENT DEMAND persists. LIFE meant so much more to be worried about LOVE. My heart had STOPPED years ago. Normal heart would require CPR to restart within 3 minutes or else there would be brain death. For me, it wouldn’t matter. My heart cannot pump on its own though I know the way to do it. If holding on would mean PAIN, then by letting go, I would attain ULTIMATE FREEDOM.
1LIFE – We live only once, so live life fully. One day of aimless activity is one day wasted. Treasure the precious life that we are gifted.