Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sense of belonging

4 months into my training into Housemanship, I began to gauge how life had treated me so far. And I'm glad how things are right now with few exceptions. I could be 'stranded' in far 'ulu' places where the nearest grocery store is 3 km away. And I couldn't complain about the 5 shopping complexes within 5 km from where I stay.

Judging from the complaints and rantings of my fellow coursemates all over Malaysia, I couldn't feel that my training in JB is any worse than their experiences. I may not have the luxury of exposure to Mother Nature but I would mind, especially with all that mosquito bite marks on my whole body.

Travelling home is 4 hours and RM 30 away compared to 5 hours and RM 100 if I'm still at East Malaysia. Early rounds can be taxing and calls unbearable, but I know that I'm serving my fellow countrymen. My interest push me forward while my desire to return to KL stopped me from looking back. 16.66% of the road has been completed without any delay. 16.66% of myself had considered myself part of the JB community.

Compared to other places where my colleagues were sent, I find that I'm able to find my place here thanks to a few close contacts. In life, you'll never know how close someone will be in your life until you take the effort to get to know them better. A stranger can be your friend over time. Similarly, a friend can become total stranger as time passes by.

What they say is right, friends come and go. Some left a mark, some left good memories, some left scars, many others were just a whiff of air. Throughout the time in my absence, many friends become acquaintances and disappeared. Few close friends remained in close contact. But my family doesn't make me feel that I have left home at all. That's the beauty of family. Guys, thanks for sticking around through my ups and downs.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Beautiful blood taking

Yesterday, I took blood for a hemato patient. There was bruises all over his forearm. All because his platelet was single digit, not my technique.
Today, he requested for a gentle blood taking. I took the smallest needle (orange 25G), applied tourniquet, swabbed alcohol, and aimed for d most prominent vein in d arm. Through skin, feel a push and backflow, through vein, and start to draw d 5ml syringe slowly with d intensity like operating on a heart coronary artery. 1ml...2ml...3ml, dat's enough. Thank you, uncle. Please press on the cotton now.
Thank you, dat was beautiful, very beautiful. I'm relieved.
Moving on to the next patient of 16 patients. Got branula, take from branula, thank GOD. CCF, ESRF spare left arm - OMG!
Dat's 20% of my life in medical.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Why feel S.A.D?

= Single And Desperate
Ever wonder why do human feel desperate? I do feel desperate countless of times:
1. Desperately trying to make it to work on time when I woke up late.
2. Desperately trying to fulfill a task right before a dateline.
3. Desperately trying to finish reading a library book before I need to return them.
4. Desperately trying to book the next bus ticket home during the Raya seasons.
5. Desperately trying to convince a patient that a Below Knee Amputation would do her more good than harm
6. Desperately trying to convince my Dad that I can take good care of his car 300km away from home. (which is still in good condition)
7. Desperately trying to persuade Mom that I’m big enough to take care of myself and stay outside with my friends.
8. Desperately trying to cut budget to allocate enough budget for my next vacation abroad.
9. Desperately trying to persuade the Radiologist to do an urgent MRI on my patient as planned by my specialist.
10. Desperately trying to find some free time off work to relax my mind and soul.
And the list goes on and on.
We are desperate not because we hope something would happen, but because we DEMAND something would go our way URGENTLY. Most of the time, TIME is the culprit.
We AGE as TIME goes by. We cannot stop time and we cannot stop ourselves from ageing. We had been ageing since birth, so why worry about ageing? Because we’re closer to DEATH where JUDGEMENT lies. Holy crap!
DEATH happens regardless of age. 8 months old fetus got aborted because the mother does not want the burden of a child when there’s no husband to play the role of a father. 8 years old child got starved to death because of non-accidental injury. An 18 years old man got killed in a in a hit-and-run car crash. A 28 years old man allegedly committed suicide while in police custody. A 38 years old man died of acute myocardial infarction while sleeping at home. A 48 years old lady succumbed to cervical cancer and passed away before chemotherapy could be conducted.
JUDGEMENT happens every day. We’re being judged by our Boss regarding the effectiveness of our performances. We’re being judged by God about how staunch we are. We’re being judged by the community about how we behave and how we appear in public. We’re being judged by our parents about how filial we are to them. We’re being judged by our partner how loyal and loving we are to them.
Since DEATH and JUDGEMENT will eventually be encountered, there’s not much we can do to stop them. We AGE with the passing TIME. So it all comes down to TIME. Without TIME, we can be DESPERATE. That is because there’s a DEMAND to do something URGENTLY whether put forward by ourselves or by others. So to tackle DESPERATION, we have to do something about the URGENT DEMAND.
SINGLE is a term not many wants themselves to be attached to. It implies solitude, separation, imperfection. Indirectly, SINGLEDOM is a TABOO in the society where marriage is the ultimate UNION between the two GENDERS created by GOD.
So, SOCIAL TABOO and EXPECTATIONS became the URGENT DEMAND to result in UNION of the 2 GENDERS. In a way, it is a reasonable and healthy EXPECTATION that young productive men and women attempt to embark on a different new life – the shared life – that culminates in the production of FUTURE GENERATIONS. So I do SUPPORT the UNION of the SEXES.
Dear readers, you would have noticed by now that the writing of the first page is just some introductory thoughts that did not really answer to the title. However the previous paragraph does shed some light why single people feel desperate when they are trying to look for the right ones. In other words, TRUE ONES may not appear early in the path of life.
However, the past is valuable to bring out the maturity in us. Maturity means lots of bruises and pain. I never know LOVE until I know what is HATE. Many crushes and failed relationships may litter the path till now but none of them matters as much as the later path. As long as we keep faith and confidence in ourselves, the CHOSEN ONE will manifest him/herself one day. This is the ONE who will bring more meaning to your LIFE. This is the ONE that will walk with you down the ALTAR. This is the ONE that will share his/her LIVES with you in the name of LOVE. Will we be patient enough to wait for the ONE? Who is the ONE? No ONE can tell. USE your heart to feel its presence.
SINGLE? Yes. DESPERATE? No more. TIME moves on. URGENT DEMAND persists. LIFE meant so much more to be worried about LOVE. My heart had STOPPED years ago. Normal heart would require CPR to restart within 3 minutes or else there would be brain death. For me, it wouldn’t matter. My heart cannot pump on its own though I know the way to do it. If holding on would mean PAIN, then by letting go, I would attain ULTIMATE FREEDOM.
1LIFE – We live only once, so live life fully. One day of aimless activity is one day wasted. Treasure the precious life that we are gifted.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Doctors may heal illnesses but cannot prevent Death

Lately, a close friend of mine had a brother who was loved by God more and took an early trip to heaven. My friend's family must have been upset to deal with the grief. As an outsider who had met my friend's late brother just twice, I can sense a feeling of gloom whenever I came across a photo of him. At least, he appeared happy in all the photos.
2 week ago, a patient succumbed to the complications of hip fracture due to motor vehicle accident. I met her and reviewed her for a week until the last few days of her life. I received news that she developed shortness of breathe a week post operatively and passed away.
When I was in first year of medical school, my 5th year senior passed away suddenly due to pneumonia. I met him twice also, yet he remembered my name then. May he rest in peace.
Just today, I read about the double tragedy involving the world, namely, the Padang earthquake and the Samoan tsunami. Both natural disasters claimed over thousands of lives in just a short duration.
"Survival of the fittest"? Probably, "survival of the luckiest" would be more fitting. We have no control over the length of our lifespan (except those who chose the shortest route to end their lives). Life is full of suffering, grief, loneliness, and depression.
We Doctors may do our best to heal illnesses, relieve symptoms, and comfort emotions, yet there's a Force dictating the duration of our lifespan left to effect a change in the world. There's a limit to our capabilities, but there's no reason to stop whatever we are doing though it may seem a futile effort. Why resuscitate a septic elderly patient who had bilateral above knee amputation with cardiac asystole? Ending the life may seemed the more comfortable option instead of letting her experiencing more pain. Most of the time, we Doctors had to adhere to certain protocols that dictate our every actions instead of based on emotions per se (like in the medical dramas).
Primum non nocere - First, do no harm. There's rarely black or white when it comes to ethical issues. There's patches of grey areas that should be decided on our own judgement at that time. We don't play God and decide who should live and who shouldn't. Instead we try to understand our patients as well as do our family and decide within the boundaries of limitations imposed by the hospital, MOH and medical expertise available.
Like the boy who threw starfishes back to the ocean, we witnesses the actions of Death day in day out, we wept for the loss, we paused to remember the good deeds, and we moved on to the next human that need our assistance.
Our time will be up someday, we live everyday not primarily to enjoy our lives to the fullest, but to ease the life of the helpless folks on the brink of death, because one day we'll become old and extend our hands hoping our final moments will be painless...

Meaning of Mooncake Festival

In my family, Mooncake Festival always seem a special occasion every year. Though my family is not big, juz d 5 of us, there's always the merry spirit of the Festival radiating through the household. Especially when we're younger, there's more activities we actively participate in. There's the candle lighting (similar to Deepavali juz without the lamps) with colourful candles. There's the important lantern lighting and parading. Once the porch and living room lights were turned off, we started lighting our candles and lanterns. Soon, we can see 2 more lighted in the opposite houses. It's like an informal competition among the neighbours to see who can light the most lanterns. I think we still hold d winning record as once neighbour kids grow older, there goes the lantern tradition as well.
I love the view of the lanterns' radiance during the first 15 mins. Then we had to either check each lantern to put in another lantern, or to put out lanterns that caught fire. By then, Mom would have prepared the table, fragrance, food, and delicacies for worshipping. I didn't know why, for many years, I didn't get to see the full face of moon on this auspicious day. I'll hope to catch it this year. Once the prayers were fulfilled, we started to help Mom carry the offerings into the house, and later to our stomach, literally. With the TV airing some HK movies, we helped ourselves to the tasty mooncake, smooth jelly, sweet pomelo, occasionally 'cow horn - like' food, and packet drinks. By 1130 pm, our lanterns would either be extinguished or 'become offerings' and the fireworks would start. As law-abiding citizens kononnya, we don't play with fireworks but we love to watch them.
Thinking back, as our lives become revolutionized with smaller and cheaper PC, handphones and better individualized entertainment, some things in the past are worth cherished as these traditions are becoming rarity with the pressure of work and attraction of other form of entertainment. Though just a simple event, the act of being together in the comfort of family makes it a lasting picture in my memory.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Wk 9 - Reviewing the past 2 months, and 2 years ahead

And so the story goes, a glimmer of hope turned out for real, just when I was preparing for my journey to the East. I wished for a new environment yet not as far as 1000 km away from my hometown. RM 600 extra and promise of better chance at specialization didn't seem an attractive offer to me.
Two months later, I began to realise that this is where I'm suited to be, somewhere new yet familiar, someplace far yet within hours from home, somewhere I can be independent yet connected to family and friends.
I'm 'offered' a place at the busiest hospital in this country down south. 4 hours of bus journey would be boring at times, but I just return home once a month, so it wouldn't really matter.
I thought that my life would change drastically by my work. I thought that I wouldn't blog again. I thought that I wouldn't have time for movies, sports and social activities.
I still managed to watch 'Final Destination' with my friends, joined my colleagues for badminton game, and went out with colleagues and friends for dinner. However it took me 2 months to get back online and have time for chat and blog again.
Things do change, but once I started to adapt, I’ll regain my past life, with some adjustments. I can’t taste home cooked first class food as frequent, can’t let my fingers dance on piano bars like before, can’t keep uptodate with daily local news or EPL football, can’t sleep as long as I wish during weekends, etc. etc.
But I believe I’m here for a purpose to fulfill. Is it to polish my skills during arduous Housemanship training in the busiest hospital? Is it to speed up and perfect my clinical skills? Is it to train myself to perform at high level even when my eyes refused to open or my muscles cried to be rested? Is it basically just to treat any ill patients seeking cure? Or is it to fulfill my HO requirement of 2 years training?
Why I’m placed here of all places, I don’t know for sure. But my ultimate aim is to train well and request transfer back to my hometown after these 2 years. 2 months have already passed quickly just like the wind. 24 months will pass by just the same. I wonder how I will be like at the end of this road. The path is ridden with landmines and obstacles waiting for their prey. As I progress further down the road, I await, with bated breath, what surprise life holds for me.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Departure Blues

Two years back, I had a good friend who left for a foreign country to pursue her studies. It felt sad to see someone leaving. I thought it would feel nice to be able to start anew in a foreign place with a bright future. Leaving home wouldn't be so hard, or so I thought.

A year ago, I had the chance to experience the feeling of departure. All of a sudden, seeing the worries and concern of my family members, I experienced the closeness of family bonds. Having spent 6 weeks in Singapore away from home, though in a safe and modern environment, I knew that there's no place like home.

Now, I'm faced with a similar dilemma. With every meeting with new people there has got to be a separation. But having to temporarily leave everything that's part of my 25 years of life is too much to bear. I can still recall the first few sleepless nights I had when I received my placement. Having been through shock, denial, anger, and grief, I'm reaching the stage of acceptance.

With a glimmer of hope left, depending on the result from MOH, I prayed for God to help me decide for me the path that will suit me better. Knowing that time is limited, I have to be satisfied with spending the remaining time doing vital stuff, like spending time at home, meeting close friends, and leave without any attachment.

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Hippocratic Oath


Hippocrates (460-370 BC)

He was known as the "Father of Medicine" due to his major contribution to the field of medicine. Hippocrates separated medicine from its former association with magic by no longer accepting that the gods are responsible for all disease. Instead, Hippocrates allowed observation, rationality and his own genuine respect for his patients to guide his practice. Using the scientific method, he carefully recorded his patient’s symptoms and responses to treatments, and used the data gathered to evaluate and prescribe the most successful regimens. His prestige as a great medical practitioner, educator, and author helped spread these ideals of rational medicine throughout the ancient world.

His name is synonymous with Doctor as each qualified doctor would be required to uphold an ancient code of ethics which bear his name. Through the years, there's been many modification of the Hippocratic Oath to suit the current practicing condition.


The New Hippocratic Oath dated 2004 AD is as follows:
- I promise that my medical knowledge will be used to benefit people's health; patients are my first concern, I will listen to them, and provide the best care I can. I will be honest, respectful, and compassionate towards them.
- I will do my best to help anyone in medical need, in emergencies. I will make every effort to ensure the rights of all patients are respected, including vulnerable groups who lack means of making their needs known.
- I will exercise my professional judgment as independently as possible, uninfluenced by political pressure or the social standing of my patient. I will not put personal profit or advancement above my duty to my patient.
- I recognize the special value of human life, but I also know that prolongation of life is not the only aim of health care. If I agree to perform abortion, I agree it should take place only within an ethical and legal context.

- I will not provide treatments that are pointless or harmful, or which an informed and competent patient refuses. I will help patients find the information and support they want to make decisions on their care.

- I will answer as truthfully as I can, and respect patients’ decisions, unless that puts others at risk of substantial harm. If I cannot agree with their requests, I will explain why.

- If my patients have limited mental awareness, I will still encourage them to participate in decisions as much as they feel able. I will do my best to maintain confidentiality about all patients.

- If there are overriding reasons preventing my keeping a patient’s confidentiality I will explain them. I will recognize the limits of my knowledge and seek advice from colleagues as needed. I will acknowledge my mistakes.

- I will do my best to keep myself and my colleagues informed of new developments, and ensure that poor standards or bad practices are exposed to those who can improve them.

- I will show respect for all those with whom I work and be ready to share my knowledge by teaching others what I know. I will use my training and professional standing to improve the community in which I work.

- I will treat patients equitably and support a fair and humane distribution of health resources. I will try to influence positively authorities whose policies harm public health.

- I will oppose policies which breach internationally accepted standards of human rights. I will strive to change laws that are contrary to patients’ interests or to my professional ethics.

- While I continue to keep this Oath unviolated, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and the practice of the Art, respected by all, in all times.


The Old Hippocratic Oath dated 425 BC that were altered are:-

- ‘I swear by Apollo the physician, and Aesculapius and Health and All-heal, and all the gods and goddesses…’

- ‘To reckon him who taught me this Art equally dear to me as my parents, to shard my substance with him, and relieve his necessities if required; to look upon his offspring in the same footing as my own brothers, and to teach them this Art…’

- ‘I will give no deadly medicine to anyone if asked, nor suggest any such counsel’

- ‘I will not give to a woman a pessary to produce abortion’

- ‘I will not cut persons labouring under the stone…’

- ‘I will abstain from the seduction of females, or males, of freeman or slaves.’

- ‘While I continue to keep this Oath unviolated, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and the practice of the Art, respected by all, in all times. Should I violate this Oath, may the reverse be my lot.’


In the Old Hippocratic Oath, Greek gods have a major influence in the community in which Hippocrates practices. He portrayed his teachers as parents and children of his teachers as his brothers. This showed just how much respect a healer held towards his teachers. A healer would pass on the Art to his ‘brothers’, own children and disciples bound by the Oath. Euthanasia and abortion were strictly prohibited by healers. Caesarian sections were not performed by healers, but by trained practitioners. The healers were expected to maintain strict healer-patient barrier and any breach in this sacred relationship was deemed unethical. The last statement was mysteriously omitted in the new Hippocratic oath.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

June 25th

June 25th, exactly 31 days from the day I stared at the MCQ questions on my first day of Professional Examination III.
June 25th, my ex-roommate's birthday.
June 25th, the day I start my first post on this site.

p.s. King of Pop left us today. Sad... Hope the cause of death would be thoroughly investigated.